


Second?

by FormulaFerrari



Series: España 2014 [2]
Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: A little confused with emotions, M/M, POV of character, angsty, sort of emotional Kimi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-13
Updated: 2014-05-13
Packaged: 2018-01-24 16:06:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,455
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1611191
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FormulaFerrari/pseuds/FormulaFerrari
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It might not have been second place in the race, but second in too many other things...<br/>Something needs to change.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Second?

_“At the time you were in front. Was it his choice, your choice or the teams choice to bring him in first?”_

_“I don’t know.”_

_“But did you want to pit first?”_

You’re done with this shit. You just walk away. You don’t understand and you don’t think you ever will but there is one person you would love to let loose on.

And you know just where to find him.

\- -

“Where is he?” You ask. Andrea isn’t being very helpful. He’s just standing in front of you with his arms folded and his lips pressed together. It’s hard to remember it was once his voice you heard in the car. Something else Fernando stole from you. You grit your teeth.

“Not here.”

“Do not have time for your shit, Andrea.”

“Do not know what to tell you, Kimi.” The Italian shrugs.

“Tell me where the fucker went.” Andrea’s eyes narrow slightly and for a moment you think you’re going to hear the Italian’s rage, something you don’t think anyone has ever seen. It doesn’t happen. He simply walks away from you.

And that’s just rude.

“Is not nice, no, Räikkönen?” A sly voice says from beside you. You ignore Luca because you don’t want his shit either. He grabs your wrist as you head out of the principality. “You do not get to do this twice.”

“What do you want?” You bite, feeling the rage you wanted to throw at Fernando prickle under your skin. Luca just smiles at you.

“Should not have walked away from the press like this.” Luca says. You fold your arms. “Should have stayed and answered their questions.”

“And you should have let me stop first.”

“What difference does this make? You came out in front still, no?”

“Is not the point. First car gets the call.” You snarl. Luca just seems amused by you and it makes it all the more harder not to punch him in the face.

“You look like you need some rest, Kimi.” Luca says in what could be considered as a soft tone. “Go back to the hotel, wind down. Then tomorrow we get a statement from you to give to the press.” You openly roll your eyes. This is one of the reasons you left Ferrari in the first place.

“Am not giving any statements.” You say in a bored tone. Luca tuts you.

“Is not what your contract reads.” Without another word you walk out. It’s bad enough having everyone tell you you’ve lost your touch this year. Just because you are now the eldest driver everyone is asking when you are going to retire. The most annoying fact is that you were feeling comfortable in the car this weekend. It was a good weekend.

Or could have been.

You pushed your glasses over you eyes as you stride down the paddock. You would look for Mark and ask him where Fernando has gone but Mark is no longer here. It’s kind of annoying. As you walk, everyone seems to eye you suspiciously. Like you’re a bomb about to explode. You smirk to yourself, loving how everyone seems reserved around you again. Good. They don’t put in the effort and neither do you. It’s a wonderful aspect of being you.

Fernando must be at the hotel. You deduce this from the fact his car is no longer parked next to yours. You consider your options: tracking him down, getting stupidly drunk, doing both. You sigh, throwing your bag in the back of the car and sliding into the driver’s seat, deciding you’ll make the decision on the way. All you know is you’re not letting Fernando think he’s won this.

You will not accept second.

\- - -

What annoys you is that Sebastian ignores all six of your text messages. And that mostly annoying because now you sound desperate. You don’t care if he doesn’t want to go to the bar for a drink but you’ve emptied your room of all alcohol and are still respectively sober. And getting Sebastian pissed is always funny and very very easy.

So when you walk into the bar and see Fernando and Sebastian laughing together at a table you don’t know if your angry, upset, jealous or hurt.

_I mean, Fernando? What kind of company is that?_

Maybe you’re hurt.

You should walk away. Neither of them have seen you. You should turn around, walk away and order more alcohol to your room. Then you can drink and drink until you black out and don’t remember any of this wretched day. But your feet are already walking towards them and you can’t help yourself. You can’t help the hand you slam into Sebastian’s back making him stumble forwards and you can’t help the way you position yourself to block Fernando. You want Sebastian’s attention and you can’t help but steal it from the Spaniard.

Possibly jealous.

“God, Kimi, what are you trying to do, impale me into the table?” Sebastian scoffs. You hear Fernando’s soft chuckle behind you and you know he knows. He understands why you’re acting like you are. Right now you could very happily turn and punch him off his stool.

So anger might be a more accurate word.

“I did not realise you were here, Sebastian.” You spit, knowing the hurt in your voice is showing. It becomes clearer when Sebastian frowns up at you, confused. You can see where the beer is soaking into the front of his shirt. You force your eyes away; you’re pissed at Fernando.  

“You disappeared at the track. Fernando saw me waiting. I was _waiting_ and he offered me a lift back.” You know he’s talking about waiting for you. It’s something he likes to do. Something he does to show he cares. But it’s been a while since you’ve let Sebastian that close to you. You can’t stand how he made you feel in pre-season testing. Or Australia… Malaysia for that matter. It’s something that doesn’t matter now because it’s in the past, even if Sebastian promises that was a one-time thing.

“And you didn’t think to wait a little longer?” You mutter, wishing you had chose to remain in your room and drink until you blacked out. Sebastian frowns at you but you tense up as a hand slide over your shoulder.

And you know its Fernando by the way he moves his lips close to your ear.

“Cannot leave the poor boy waiting forever… Is not fair… What must he be thinking…” Fernando mutters. He drops the tone of his voice before whispering: “How unfair you have been.”

“Excuse me?” You grit out, turning on him. You feel your fist tense shut and you know if he pushes you enough it will happily fly into his face. Fernando’s eyes are alight with what seems like delight.

“Sebastian has been telling me about your… Problems.” Fernando says lightly. His smirk does nothing to calm you down.

“Seb and I don’t have problems.” You spit. Fernando chuckles.

“Kimi…” Sebastian tries but his voice sounds like it’s coming from the other end of a tunnel.

“Sebastian has waited outside the Ferrari motor home after every session for you. If he does this much more rumours will start to spread about him making the move.”

“And taking your seat?” You challenge. There is a small sense of satisfaction as you watch the annoyance spark across Fernando’s face. But it’s gone almost as soon as it arrives.

“Bet you cannot stand Daniel…” Fernando smirks, taking a sip from his drink. You loose it. You just see red as your fist makes contact with his jaw. And you don’t care. You really just don’t care. You would have done it here or anywhere. You instantly feel better.

Until you see Sebastian dive to Fernando’s aid.

“Kimi!” He squeaks, pulling Fernando back to his feet as he glares at you. You press your lips together in a hard, thin line.

“Why do you keep asking me to forgive you if you are just going to fuck someone else!” You roar, startling Sebastian. Fernando nurses his face but his eyes are wide in shock at your accusation.

“I’m sorry?” Sebastian demands but you’re already storming away. You are in the lift before you realise he has followed you. “You want to explain that.”

“Shouldn’t you go back to _Fernando?_ Won’t he be pissed if you’re running off with somebody else? Or is it Daniel’s turn tonight? Maybe Horner?”

“You’re being ridiculous. And disgusting.” Sebastian spits. You can see in his body language he wants to run away from you. The walls of the lift suddenly feel a lot closer.

“Am being honest. Do not know who you whore yourself to…”

“My team principle? Get over yourself, Kimi.” He spits, glaring at the golden wall. You want more than anything for it to open. It’s been too long. You’ve not been this close to Sebastian for an extremely long time. But you force yourself to remember what he did to you. You force yourself.

“Well, are fucking your teammate, why would it make any difference?” You air. Luckily, you have no time to regret it because the doors open out onto your floor. Sebastian is frozen, glaring at you with his mouth slightly open. So you push past him. Storming down the corridor you ignore him. You don’t care where he’s going, what he’s doing. You don’t want to be near him. You don’t need to feel those feelings for him anymore. They are long gone. You shake your head, fiddling with the key card that obviously does not work in your door. And so you hear it.

“Seb?” A familiar Australian accent asks in a yawn. “What-?”

“-Fernando is in the bar.” Sebastian says softly. You watch as Mark sighs before appearing in the corridor pulling on a hoodie.

“How much did you let him drink?” Mark exasperates. You wonder how many times this has happened before.

“No, errh…” Sebastian shoots you a glance before looking back at Mark. “Kimi punched him.” Suddenly the Australian’s gaze is on you and it is not the calm relaxed expression you’re used to.

Yeah, Mark is angry with you.

“It’s alright, Mark. I’m sorting it.”

“Maybe I can give him one to match, eh?” Mark jeers aggressively, trying to get towards you. You lean against your door, mildly amused.

“Go and sort out Fernando.”

“You just left him on his own?” Mark shoots at Sebastian, disbelief in his voice.

“He’s fine, just go. He asked me to come and get you.” Sebastian says as he forces Mark towards the stairs. With one last death glare at you Mark vanishes down the stairs. And then Sebastian advances towards you.

 _Right. The door_.

Before you can get the blasted thing open he’s pulling on your shoulder.

“You think I’m fucking Dan?”

“Oh come on. Is obvious you are.” You spit, forcing the card into the door. Somehow that opens it and you swing the door wide letting yourself in. Sebastian follows you.

“I’m not.”

“Whatever.” You sigh, throwing your card on the desk and flopping onto the bed. Sebastian looks over at the pile of mini empty bottles before sighing exhaustedly. He perches on the bed by your feet.

“I’m not fucking Dan.”

“Sure.”

“Or Fernando.”

“I don’t care.”

“You do.” Sebastian snaps, glaring at you. You roll away from him. “You always have cared. You hated it when I was with Nico. And you always thought there was something going on with Mark. Even when you were with me you thought I was going behind your back with Romain.”

“Is-”

“-He has a kid and a family and a _wife._ ” Sebastian stresses the point he has made too many times in the past. You’re definitely getting bored of his explanation. “Why can’t you just understand I want you?”

“And pre season. You just tripped and fell on Daniel’s cock?” You spit at the ceiling. You hear Sebastian sigh.

“Kimi-”

“-Is no wonder you do not mind coming second to him. He probably fucks you in thanks.”

“STOP!” Sebastian shrieks, pushing himself to his feet. You look at him with a bored expression. “I fucking love you, Kimi. You know how much it hurts me when you accuse me of this shit? Yes I fucked up. Once! Nothing else happened. Nothing happened in Australia. Nothing happened in Malaysia.” You sit up, matching his glare.

“Then why-?”

“-We were in a debrief!” Sebastian says for the thousandth time. You really want to believe him but no one comes out of a technical debrief looking that satisfied. You’re sure. You’ve worn that expression many a time yourself. “Why can’t you just trust me?” Sebastian says softly. You let yourself fall back onto the mattress with a thud.

“I saw what you did. Sebastian, you fucking cheated on me.”

“Like you hadn’t.” He seethes. You glare over at him.

“Nothing happened with me and anyone else whilst we were together.” You promise. And you know that the truth. Sebastian sits himself on the end of the bed looking towards you. His fingers graze the sensitive skin of your ankle and you hate your body for reacting to him in the way it does.

“I fucked up. I know I did.”

“Sucking off your teammate is a bit more than fucking up, Seb.”

“I love you, Kimi…” He mutters, moving up the bed as his hand slides up to your knee. You swallow.

“I can’t know that.” You say through gritted teeth with your eyes closed. You hate being vulnerable and open by Sebastian has a way of weaselling every feeling out of you before you know what your saying. You withdraw your knee quickly to your chest when you feel the soft kiss he traces onto your skin.

“Kimi…”

“Stop.” You say, but your voice breaks ruining your conviction. He curls around your side, lifting your shirt slightly and placing a gentle kiss on your navel. Your hand instinctively finds his hair.

“You don’t want me to…”

“Need…” You can’t finish the sentence. You don’t know how to. Need him or need him to stop? The thoughts are medalling in your head and before you know it Sebastian’s head is resting in the crevice of your neck and it feels so natural, so right. You know you should hate him right now but you instinctively open your embrace to him, pulling him close. You don’t know how long you both lay there but after a while you know he’s fallen asleep. And you should throw him out, throw him back to Daniel. But in the truth of it there really isn’t anywhere else you would want him to be.


End file.
